WEEDS

After moving home last year, Sharon and I began to help Dad with planting.  Dad loves his flower gardens and planting flowers ... to many in my opinion.  One of the things we have to do is weed.  Not being a gardner...I found out that after weeding..I would come back a few weeks later and find weeds growing over again.  Became very frustrated and asked why do these weeds come back.  My Dad informed me that you have to pull the weed out way back to its root.  Some of these roots are long and go forever.  But until you pull out the roots, the weed grows back.  Mulching and control substance for weeds helps control this from happening.

Mark 4 speaks of soil and the preparation of production of our person.  You see..our heart is the garden of our person.  How we nuture and take care of the garden is what brings forth the fruit..  Hebrews 12:15 speaks of the root of bitterness.  It that root out for proper maturity and growth of our person.

What brought this on in my mind...was at a few weeks ago..I had a God moment.  I was reflecting on my life for the last few decades and seeing how that I thought I had conquered things in my flesh but they would arise again after time.  I have been following the gentleman that has been running in a campagin for Mayor of New York City.  It had  been found that two years ago, he had be sexting (new generation term) to some women when he was a Senator.    Exposed, he said he had learned his lesson and would never happen again.  BUT just a few months ago, it was exposed that he had been doing it again.  A commentator on the Dr. Drew progam on ..made a statement that tiggered this God moment.  Unless he realizes he is has a sex addiction and gets help .... he will do it over and over again.

I remember from teenage years and up....I would have my issues.  Go to Church and God would deal with me and after hours of talking to Him and having a Holy Ghost visitation. ... I would feel I will never be tempted again and I have conquered it.   But two months later...the issue would come back and start all over again.  WHY I would ask myself.  From 42 to 50...the addiction would be a constant issue in my life.  When I felt I had conquered it...it would come back and occur over and over.  I know the religious world will not like this statement but and I had it done to me.  We need to pray the demon out and etc.  That worked for a season but the addiction came back.  I had the weeds in my life but was only pulling what was on the surface but failed to pull the root out.  I had to go back to the root of why this was occuring and why it started.  I know that we can say it is sin and it is sin...but why do people do what they do.  See...I believe there is good in everyone.  People do things for a reason.  And finding out the reason is my purpose now in life for why we do things .

There are many addictions we see in people's lives.  People judge the person and put them in a box of isolation.  Why is the prostitute on the street corner, why is an individual having an affair, why does a man take and kill a person ( the value of life is no longer respected), why does someone become addicted to drugs, gambling, alcohol, sex, food and the list goes on.  We can judge the present moment but do we go back and see why.  Often no self esteem, rejection in childhood, no parent love shown, etc contributes.  So the moment rush and thrill would give me a false allusion of what I need.  Why does a man cheat on his wife...he thinks the grass is greener on the other side.  Society has shown the prefect relationship is nothing but appeal and laughter.  Nothing about relationship struggles and working through them is advised. 

So... I have been looking over my life and seeing why I had this addiction.  I had to go back to the root and start to pull it out.  Start respecting myself and seeing that I was a better person than have this addiction control me. I was always living for the moment  My selfishness had caused me to hurt my family members and individuals that loved me. .   It is a constant nuturing of onesself with love and respect of one's person. 

Empathy and compassion goes out to all that deal with the weeds in life.  I do not judge behaviour...but pray in compassion and willing to reach in love to those in this situation.  Jesus loves the individual...doesn't condone the sin. If you are struggling...I stand here and say ... there is someone who cares.  You are special to us and will do anything to help you.

P.S.  If you like to leave a comment,  write your comment, go to click on as annoymous and click on it and then click on  publish.  Thanks to all

MY QUESTION IS "WHY"

I looked up the meaning of why.  The verb meaning is for what reason or purpose and the noun meaning is a reason or explanation.  Since a child, we have all used this word in one form or another.  But we have been taught you should never ask or question God in this matter.  I hope I do not offend anyone, but I have many times asked God this question WHY.  I think that if we never speak it, we think it.   In the book of Job, I read that this man was put in this positon Then Job answered the Lord and said: “I know that you can do all things, and that no purpose of yours can be thwarted. ‘Who is this that hides counsel without knowledge?’ Therefore I have uttered what I did not understand, things too wonderful for me, which I did not know. ‘Hear, and I will speak; I will question you, and you make it known to me.’ I had heard of you by the hearing of the ear, but now my eye sees you; ... Job wondered why where all these things happening to him.  I know there are many of you that this blog....have uttered the same word WHY.

The last few months have been very difficult and I have fallen into a deep depression after I asked this question WHY.  I thank God that I am coming out of this state with His Help.  As many of you know, on April 14th at 7:03 P.M. I lost a great friend and brother in law to Cancer.  I would like to go back a few months if I may.  Peter had been told that cancer had come back.  He was to take some sort of pill to help but felt that God had spoke to him to not to and he was going to trust God for healing.  My wife and I moved down four months at the first of the year to help Kathy take care of Peter and also help her with daily chores. We had felt that God wanted us to be intercessor prayer warriors beside them.   Peter had just come back from Ontario was going to speak at Church of what a visitation of God he had.  The message moved the Church and the alter was filled that night with not a dry eye in the place.  He ended his message with the declaration that he spoke life in his body and sang the song "As long as I have breath I will praise the Lord."  Tears are in my eyes now as I recall these events.  Things got to the point where a bed had to brought in and extra care was need.  I stayed beside Peter at night, every night.  The memories I will treasure forever.  I remember Peter saying to me "Norm, I declare healing into my body.  Todd needs me and I have so much yet to do for God.  I have a Barnabas Ministry.  Son of encouragement.  I can not die."  We would watch faith programs such as Bill Winston Ministries, Kenneth Copland Ministries, Andrew Womack Ministries and the list goes on.  Kathy would daily read faith scriptures to Peter.  Faith was in the air.  Church prayer meetings was held at the house.  Many had visions of Peter walking in the Church.  Prophecies was spoken.  Many times when the Peter was hurting, Kathy would yell out, come pray quick, and we would pray and God would touch his body.  Peter had a desire to go to Church in the evenings.  A ramp was made so he could get out of the house into a van.  With the help of many people this was done.  Easter Sunday would be the last time Peter would be wheeled into the Church in a living state.  He got to the point he could not speak but his eyes would show that he recognized what was going on.  Faith was spoken by all that came to see him.  On April 14th the family had gathered and a great season of prayer.  Most of us was sitting in the living room after praying for Kathy.  Corey was down reading scripture to his Dad and praying.  At 7:03 P.M., Corey came up and whisper to Kathy that Peter had just passed away.  A second or two of silence then screams filled the air.  Kathy and the family rushed to his side.  I heard I hate you cancer and the words no no no fill the room.  Crying by all.  I stood in unbelief at what had just happened.  I texted my family members to tell them what had just happened.  The next few seconds, minutes, hours...I can,t explain it all.  Looked at a man that had just passed away living in his faith.   Many in the next few days offered their encouragement in a sincere way.  He is in a better place and now he is not sorrowing now was heard.  Dont misunderstand me...this encouragement was appreciated.   Kathy and the family along with myself asked the question in the following days  WHY

To this I share.  I still ask WHY.  After Peter had taken the manual which is the Bible and followed all the instructions of placing trust and faith in the Word.  Speak to the mountain and it be removed and declare healing and such and the list goes on.  Many would say, will God knows our birth and when we will die.  I would asked then why do we pray then for sickness.   Peter was a walking faith man.  I know that many of you have experienced this in your own life of death of individuals that you had prayed for.  I recall that when pastoring the Church in Maine, we had a young lady that was dying of cancer and we had prayer chains and prophecy of her healing. Faith was in the air...but Tammy died and left behind a little girl and a wonderful husband.   To me the miracle of this healing and Peter's healing would have been one of the greatest testmonies around.  What this would do for God's Kingdom would be beyond explanation.  I told Sharon a month ago,  I dont know if I can ever pray faith over anyone again.  I remember one individual was asked to come to the alter for prayer a few years ago.  His reply was " No, I have been disappointed to many times before."  I know people criticized that man for that statement.  But he was hurt in his faith.

God has been working on me in the last few weeks.  He brought to remembrance that I was sent home to die last year.  But my white blood cells was touched and the count came  up.  I am still living and in remission.  My wife was healed of cancer last year.  Then I was impressed with the song  that I have placed on this blog.  I don't need to understand, I just need to hold his hand."   I still ask WHY but I know I can not stay in that state.  Discouragement is drifting away as I am desiring to spend more time with God.  It is a slow process.  To you that are with me in this state....stand up...don't listen to those who say you have no right to feel this way and ask the question.  You know what....God understand us and our heart ...and gives us this right to question.  Don,t let it ruin your faith in God.

My prayer that this blog will be a blessing. 

PERSON BEHIND THE MASK

Mostly all of my childhood and teenager years, I was a loner.  Most of it was caused by no self esteem and school bullying.  I would spend most of my time alone and my weekends would be reading and playing around with electronics.  I never wanted to face people.  It was so difficult to do things in Church because of my shyness.  As I grow older, I learned to hide my emotions.  I just became a person behind the mask.  I think this was a movie called Man Behind the Mask.  I would give an impression of being a happy go lucky person and would also be smiling and joking.  My emotions of guilt, hurt, frustrations, thoughts, etc. I hide behind a mask.  I never wanted anyone to see that part of me.  I was always asked, "Don't you ever have things that bother you."  The answer was always a laugh or joke.  I had to keep my image of a religious young person that immortal thoughts and deeds never was in my life or ever want to venture into other avenues of life.  I remember we could not play on the hockey team (loved hockey).  We could not gym on a co ed basis because lust would come and etc....alot of  strange ideas we was thought.   Legalism did a number on us young people.  We had to have an image of being this great Christian and did not dare tell our opinions.  So we had to be a person behind a mask.

I would struggle with things in my ministry.  Had to be this great  that everyone looked up and all the time I was dealing with issues.  Could not talk to anyone...cause who could you trust...and if you did you would worry what will they think of me.  So I hid behind a mask to impress people.

Oh the struggle... so overwhelming.  I struggled and struggled.  Pain roared in my mind.  But no one knew.  I was scared and in secure of what would happen if people really knew me.  After my failures, for so many years I covered up who I was.  Noted for being strong in adversity.  Known for reaching out to those  hurt with life.  I had so much empathy for the outcast.  All I could see was ME in each situation.  I lived behind a mask.  Was not truthful to people when asked how I was.  I had hidden sins that was driving me crazy.  So I lived behind a mask.  Addictions came on ..... trying to hid the pain.  As I write this, my spirit weeps, I look in faces of people everyday....they have their mask on but I see beyond their outward appearance.  Pain, guilt, shame, fear, is seen in my spirit.  I want to reach out and love them to pieces.  They don't have to be a person behind a mask.  It was alright in a crowd at a bar or in a group of men at work.  I remember so one asked me ....wasn't you a preacher once.  I denied it and acted tough.  I had a mask on.

I got tired of this struggle one day.  Opened up to someone that I trusted with fear, but did not care anymore of what anyone thought.  What a relief,  as my tears began to wash on my guilt and struggles and that person prayed over me, I felt free.  I took the mask off and saw who I was.  I was a child of God.  Grace of God carried me to a beautiful place of if one does wrong,  just ask God to forgive you and help you.  Such freedom.  What joy.

IT,S DARK HERE

On my journey with life, I had an encounter with depression .  This is not a joyful subject for me to talk about. Depression comes in my types and sizes.  To many lives become hijacked by this.  One moment happy, the next moment sad.  Darkness  engulfs  life .  Life means nothing if the mind is in torment.  19 million Americans suffer from this,  In the United States, 2 percentage of grade kids have depression.  While 1 out of 10 teenagers experience it.  Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness plagues the mind.  Life events, financial difficulties, job problems, relationship troubles, separation, bereavement are among many reasons for such a state.    What happens is that the brain is in a trauma mode and it affects the whole  body - not just the mind. Many will try to hide their depression because of shame.  Depression is not a sin... is what I would like to state first.

People in the Bible struggled with depression.  David in Psalms 38 "My guilt has overwhelmed me like a burden too heavy to bear.  I am bowed down and brought very low; all day long I go about mourning.  I have become like a man who does not hear, whose mouth can offer no reply.  I am feeble utterly crushed.  I groan in anguish of heart."

Elijah the great prophet, who did mighty deeds for the Lord.  Listen to his words "Eliah came to a broom tree, sat down under it and prayed that he might die.  Lord take my life; I am not better than my ancestry"

After a failed marriage and ministry, I fell into depression big time.   Sin added to my depression as I was acting out and taking on addictive behavior patterns.  Life was a dark tunnel with no ending and no hope.  I was ashamed of this state.  I was taught by legalism that it was a demon in me and that I was less a man.  I felt so much of no self worth and had no self esteemed.  Would battle the events of life, instead of joy was always struggling.  Come to find out, there are many in the Christian world that struggle with depression.  I went to see the Dr and he recommended that I go on antidepressants.  Again, I struggled with the decision.  I went on them.  It helped some but I stilled battled. I decided enough is enough

I am so thankful for the grace of God.  He loves us no matter how bad things are.  He started to pour his Love into my soul.  I was finally saw a light at end of the tunnel.  I surrounded myself with positive people.  Had my conversation speak of good things.  The negative images started to disappear.  I learned that it is not a shame to have experienced depression.  Handling life was becoming better.  Gospel music and good reading helped.  Most important was God,s word.  Speak it to the enemy when he tries to dim the outlook of life.  Psalms 34: 1 - 3 "I will praise the Lord no matter what happens, I will constantly speak of His glories and grace.  I will boast of all His kindness to me."

To those reading this, it is difficult to be transparent of this part of my life.  But it is a mandate from God to do so.  Instead of self being seen, Christ is shown of His wonderful grace and power.  There is hope.  This is the reason for  toll free number called HOPELINE  1 -877-684 -HOPE.  We have been there and have empathy to those hurting.  My friend ... you are special to us.  Confront and declare victory.  We are here for you.

I WANT TO BE AN ENCOURAGER

The year has come to an end and we are starting into a new year.  Everyone makes resolutions of change and what they want to do differently for purpose.  I thought, what do I want to do differently this year than I did last year.  I read in Acts 4:36 "Joseph, a levite from Cyrus, whom the Apostles called Barnabas which means Son of Encouragement."

We live in a world full of negative thoughts, negative sayings, negative energy, negative influence and etc.  The economy has families who have lost their jobs, addictions have taken individuals to a level of no control, religious bullying has become a way in many churches and individuals are leaving because of feelings  no self worth, depression  in lives being felt on a daily  basis, divorce, homelessness, self esteem issues, ghost of the past, sickness that has gone on for years with no answers,  etc.  Everyday I see people sad faced and no hope in their eyes.  

I have always had a heart for hurting people.  Those that are put on the shelf of life, because of past mistakes.  Individuals that most of the church world, sees no use for.  Will let them drive a church van but never allow them to do the ministry that God has called them for.  I have a heavy heart for such.  The strays of life...I search for.  I want to be a Barnabas to them.  Out in Detroit I remember one time that a manager that I made delivers to...lost his mother.  I sat down with him as he was crying, telling me , and I cried with him.  The one that just found out his wife was having an affair..I listened as he expressed his anger ...and put my arms around him and told him he was a good man and prayed with him.  

I Thess  5:11 "Therefore encourage one another and build each other up.."  Encouragement is needed by all.  Synonymous words are console, help, give relief, cheer up and exhort.  

2013 I want to be a Barnabas - son of encouragement.  Give a smile to the one I meet at the store counter and thank them for their help.  Open the door at the hospital for an elderly person who can hardly walk and tell them have a great day.  Shake the hand of the depressed and tell them they are loved and wanted.  Tell someone that has no self esteem "you are the best."  Make a phone call to someone that is hurting.  I want to be a better encourager.  Hold up the hand of one that feels life is unfair.  I weep for the hurting.  Many hours at night, I spend time in prayer for those I know that are battling things in life.    All I can give is encouragement which sometimes is worth more than an dollar value.

To you that are reading this...I appreciate you.  You are loved and appreciated.  This is the reason for Restoration Ministries.  Reach for the broken and encourage all.